Little Lessons

“Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful though you have considered all the facts.” – Wendell Berry

It was raining outside the restaurant. When the waitress brought over my lunch, she repeated my order as she put it on the table – “Grilled cheese sandwich and (long pause) chicken noodle soup.”

“Needed my soup on a day like this. “ I replied with a smile.

She looked at the table and added with a slight chuckle, “I see you remembered your milk. Your mother would be proud.”

“Well, I’m still a growing boy!” At which point we both laughed.

“I think there is just one kind of folks. Folks.” – Scout Finch (To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee)

It’s common to seek out our “tribe”. Perhaps it’s family, religion, ethnicity or birthplace. We want to belong to a group with a shared identity – the same values, backgrounds and beliefs. We want to feel comfortable and safe.

This natural tendency has been part of our biological and cultural evolution. Our ancestors protected each other from predators. They joined forces to hunt prey and gather resources. Together, they faced down competing groups, attacked other tribes to expand territory, and defeated enemy forces.

“Gloom doesn’t win wars.” – General George S. Patton

Last week, I had lunch with a long-time friend. We’re part of a small group whose bonds go back to high school. Throughout the years, we’ve attended marriages and funerals, sharing laughs and tears. For decades, we had an off again – on again poker game. Recent moves have made those games more “off again”.

The games aren’t about money, with the largest winnings – and losings – are $30 or $40. Instead, it’s about the conversations and arguments. It could be about politics, the education system, literature, or something really important – like which is better: the Marvel Cinematic Universe or the Netflix series? Rarely are minds changed, nor feelings hurt.

At the end of lunch, my friend said, “We need to do this more often. Your optimism is infectious.”

                   Photo Credit: Quincy College

“Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.” – Some Silly Person

Last week, I attended a veterans’ luncheon at a nearby college. One of the speakers was US Navy Veteran Allen Lerner, owner and operator of a local Chick-Fil-A restaurant. Allen was offering advice to the students on choosing a career.

“Some of you may have heard the saying, ‘Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.’”. Allen continued, “That’s a myth.”

"Every individual has a place to fill in the world and is important in some respect whether he chooses to be so or not.” - Nathaniel Hawthorne

There are about 25,000 residents in my town. It doubles to 50,000 in the summer. There are 6.9 million people who live in Massachusetts, and approximately 329 million people in the United States. The planet Earth is currently home to 7.7 billion humans.

That’s an enormous number, and difficult to comprehend. A large football stadium holds about 75,000 people. Multiply that by 100. Then multiply that by 1,000. And you’re in the middle of those multitudes.

“Clearings. That’s what I needed” Slowly my brain righted itself into spaces unused for months.” – Helen MacDonald

Last year brought a lot of changes to my life. I was forced to stop running and had to face my fears when having major surgery. I was fortunate to have an amazing doctor and access to a teaching hospital. My surgery went as planned, and my doctor was impressed with my “quick recovery.”

Of course, what was “quick” for him was “painfully slow” for me. I had followed the pre-operation workout routine and completed the exercises assigned by the physical therapist afterwards. But I didn’t feel as strong as I thought I should. A walk to the end of the driveway and back felt like a 10k run. Not exhausting, but a workout.

The longer the recovery took, the older I felt.

"Events don't cause stress. What causes stress are the views you take of events." - Epictetus

The Bass River Beach in Yarmouth, Massachusetts has become one of my new favorite places. A short distance from my house, it’s a peaceful spot any time of year. The island of Martha’s Vineyard is only a few miles away, and acts as a buffer to the currents of the Atlantic Ocean. The silt from the river extends the beach and the shallow water. Even at high tide, the biggest waves are from the boats speeding by the shore.

“For the meaning of life differs from man to man, from day to day and hour to hour.” – Viktor Frankl

As I was reading Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, one thought kept crossing my mind – “How have I never read this book before?”

In college, my major was history, with a minor in philosophy. Additionally, my literature courses included books by twentieth-century existentialists like Camus and Sartre. I was assigned to read Freud’s The Future of an Illusion as part of my capstone course in philosophy. But Frankl? I’m not sure he was even mentioned.

A friend told me he had recently re-read Frankl, as part of a discussion about what makes us human. His passion when describing the book was intriguing. A visit to a university bookstore prompted me to look for Frankl’s works. When my search in the philosophy section turned up nothing, I remembered that my friend is a psychologist. Moving over a few sections, my hunt was successful.

"Anything that can go wrong will go wrong; and at the worst possible moment.” – Murphy’s Law

The day started as normal as possible for the life of a consultant. Early morning workout in the hotel fitness center, followed by a light breakfast in the lounge. One last check of emails, then pick up a cup of black coffee in the lobby shop, and I was off in the rental car.

It was a light schedule. A brief meeting with a client to provide an update on their project, then about an hour to drive 10 minutes to my next stop. I was delivering the keynote address at a luncheon sponsored by the local Postal Customer Council. Back to the airport, and back home.

The sound of screeching brakes announced that the car in front of me stopped short. I had plenty of room to stop, but….

“I have no right to be unhappy.” - Lord Grantham

Even if you don’t watch PBS, you’ve probably heard of Downton Abbey. The period drama tells the story of the residents of a country estate in England during the early 1900s. There’s intrigue upstairs among the family members as they try to maintain their wealth and heritage. And there’s equal suspense among the staff, as they strive to make their lives better. Both classes struggle with new technology, the impact of World War I, and the changes transforming British society.